drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize