I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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