She's JV to your varsity
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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