I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
