Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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