We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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