Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
