I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
