I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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