every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
