Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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