Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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