I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize