how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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