and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
