SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
