No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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