Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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