Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
