I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
