By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
