Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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