I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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