i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
