Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
