Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
