My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
