I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
