@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
