he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
