I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize