I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I deserve this hangover.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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