It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
