I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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