I just pynch a tree in the face
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
