i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
