no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
