bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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