sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
