I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
