Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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