I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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