Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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