My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
