even my farts smell like vagina
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
