I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
