How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
