jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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