your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bring me that man meat
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
