I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
