I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
