i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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