next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
