He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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