it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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