I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
