there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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