so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
