then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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