Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
