what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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