dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
