3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
