Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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