Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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