the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
