My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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