my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
