i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
